Escape to the Fairytale Royal Forester Inn: Callow Hill's Hidden Gem
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a review of the Escape to the Fairytale Royal Forester Inn: Callow Hill's Hidden Gem. Forget perfect prose, we're aiming for messy, honest, and utterly human. This is going to be less a polished article and more a rambling, caffeinated conversation about a hotel experience. Ready? Let's GO!
The Big Picture: Royal Forester Inn - Is it REALLY a Fairytale?
Alright, so the name? "Escape to the Fairytale Royal Forester Inn." Ambitious, right? Honestly, I went in with a healthy dose of skepticism. Fairytales? In Callow Hill? But, and this is where things get interesting, the Royal Forester… it’s trying. And sometimes, that’s enough to charm the socks off you.
Accessibility: Navigating the Fairy Forest (and the Hallways)
Okay, let's get the nitty-gritty out of the way first. The inn mentions "Facilities for disabled guests," which is a HUGE plus. They claim to be wheelchair accessible, but I didn’t personally test this, so I'd recommend contacting the Inn directly. Specifically, I'm talking about the stairs leading to the sauna. It must be confirmed. In general, accessibility is a top priority for any venue. The elevator helps, obviously.
Cleanliness and Safety: Sanitizer Galore - But Does it Smell Like Bleach?
Let's face it, the world feels germy right now. The Royal Forester Inn understands this. They have a laundry list of safety protocols: "Anti-viral cleaning products", "Daily disinfection in common areas," "Hand sanitizer" everywhere! Honestly, I felt like I was walking through a field of Purell. BUT, and this is a big but, it didn't smell sterile. No overpowering bleach fumes. Just clean. A win!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Carb Loading in a Fairytale?
Breakfast! Ah, breakfast. The most important meal, right? The Royal Forester Inn offers a "Breakfast [buffet]" plus "Breakfast service" and "Breakfast in room" (score!). I went for the full buffet experience. Yes, there was "Western breakfast," and "Asian breakfast." The coffee? Decent. The pastries? Let's just say I might have enjoyed a few (or maybe more than a few) pain au chocolats. There's a "Coffee shop" to grab a quick caffeine fix. They've also got a "Poolside bar," which, let's be honest, is a MUST for any hotel aiming for relaxation. I didn't get to try the "Soup in restaurant" or "Desserts in restaurant", but perhaps a next time?
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa Day or Total Zen?
Here's where the Royal Forester Inn really shines. This place is geared for relaxation. The "Spa" is… well, it's AMAZING. I booked a massage and, honestly, I melted. The therapist was a magician. They've got a "Sauna", a "Steamroom", AND a "Swimming pool" (outdoor, and with a view!). They also have a "Fitness center," but who has time for working out when there’s a body wrap calling your name? I got the massage, but I want to try a Body Scrub and Foot Bath next time. Total bliss. The view from the pool is… well, fairytale-esque. Seriously, it's beautiful.
The Rooms: Comfort and Convenience Factor - A Fairytale Lair!
Okay, so my room. It was… comfortable. The "Air conditioning" worked (thank god). The "Bed" was divine, with a "Extra long bed" to stretch out on. The "Blackout curtains" were a lifesaver. I got a "Mini bar" (always appreciated), "Coffee/tea maker," and a "Refrigerator" to keep my sparkling water chilled (priorities!). "Free bottled water" was a nice touch. The "Wi-Fi [free]" worked flawlessly. The "Bathroom" was clean, bright, with a "Separate shower/bathtub" (luxury!). The "Slippers" and "Bathrobes" were a cozy bonus. "Smoke detector" but, thank god there was a "Non-smoking" room. I'm not sure there was a "visual alarm," I didn't check.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Extras That Make a Difference
This inn tries hard. They have the basics: "Daily housekeeping," "Laundry service," "Luggage storage," and a "Concierge." The "Cash withdrawal" is handy. The "Elevator" is essential. They even have a "Gift/souvenir shop," which is perfect for picking up a memento (or a last-minute gift for your mother-in-law!).
Getting Around: Road Trip Ready?
"Car park [free of charge]"? Yes, please! You can bring a "Car park [on-site]" if you want. Airport transfer and taxi service available if you need them.
The Quirks, the Imperfections, the Realness
Now, let's get real. Is the Royal Forester Inn perfect? Nah. The decor is a little… well, let's call it "eclectic." There's a shrine. I am uncertain how to feel about that. The "Happy hour" could be more…happier. And the signage could be clearer. But these are minor quibbles.
The One Thing That Stick: The Massage
I'm telling you, that massage. Forget the buffet, forget the pool, forget the Wi-Fi. The massage was pure, unadulterated, melt-into-your-chair, ahhhhhh bliss. Just thinking about it makes me want to book another stay. Maybe that's the real fairytale: finding a little slice of heaven, one massage at a time.
My Final Verdict: Is the Fairytale Real?
Look, if you're looking for a perfectly polished, generic hotel experience, this might not be your jam. But if you want a getaway with a bit of charm, a whole lot of relaxation, and a genuinely good massage, the Escape to the Fairytale Royal Forester Inn is well worth it. It's not a perfect fairytale, but it's got enough magic to make a lasting impression.
Here's The Hook: The Bold, Bumbling, But Ultimately Persuasive Offer
Tired of the same old routine? Need a serious escape? Ditch the drama and embrace the fairytale!
Escape to the Royal Forester Inn!
Here's the deal:
- Get ready for a massage that will make you weep tears of joy (seriously).
- Swim in the pool, read a fantastic novel or just do absolutely nothing.
- Wake up to the aroma of fresh coffee, and a breakfast spread that'll fuel all kinds of fairy tale adventures.
- Book now and get a complimentary bottle of wine with your stay!
- PLUS: Use code "FAIRYTALEESCAPE" at checkout, and you'll receive a free…well, let's just say it's a surprise, but it's a good one!
Don't wait! The fairytale is calling!
(Link here to book. Seriously, go book. You deserve it.)
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your sterile, perfectly-planned travel itinerary. This is REAL LIFE, Royal Forester Inn style. We're talking muddy boots, questionable pub food, and enough emotional turbulence to make a seasoned sailor seasick. Consider yourself warned.
Day 1: Arrival and the Unforeseen Quest for a Pint
1:00 PM: Landed at Birmingham Airport. Ugh, airports. I swear they're designed to make you feel like a sardine squished into a metal box. Found my rental car – a little Vauxhall, bless its soul, probably older than my grandma. Driving on the "wrong" side of the road? Terrifying at first, then strangely exhilarating, like I was in some low-budget action movie.
3:00 PM: Arrived at The Royal Forester Inn, Callow Hill. First impression? Absolutely charming. Honey-colored stone, ivy creeping up the walls, the air thick with the smell of… well, probably damp earth and old beer. Checked into my room (think cosy, not luxurious, which is exactly what I wanted) and immediately started to unpack. Found a suspicious stain on the duvet. Sigh. Honestly, it took me way too long to realize I could just flip the thing over. Genius, I tell you.
4:00 PM: The Quest for the Perfect Pint began. This, my friends, is a serious undertaking. First pub – The Cat Inn further down the road. Lovely, it was, with a roaring fire. But the beer? Flat. Utterly, devastatingly flat, like a deflated balloon of disappointment. My brow furrowed. I'm not a beer snob, really I'm not, but this was an insult to barley and hops everywhere.
5:00 PM: Abandoned the Cat Inn with a heavy heart. Second attempt: The Royal Forester Inn itself. Surely, the home base would deliver. God, I was parched! I walked into the bar area and asked. "What's on tap?" I got that look, that "you're a tourist, aren't you?" look. The bartender, bless her, was patient, however. After a bit of a chat, I ended up with a pint of something called "Black Pig Porter." Not usually my thing, but it was cold, and it had a kick. Victory, I think.
6:00 PM: Pub supper. Fish and chips. Glorious, greasy perfection. Ate it with a reckless abandon, the same that I'd eat on the first day of vacation! Chatter with locals was mostly one sided, but it was fun to be there with a pint and a plate of chips.
8:00 PM: Retreat to room. Journal. Swearing at the wifi (it's always the wifi, isn't it?). Feeling a strange mix of exhaustion and contentment. This is going to be good.
Day 2: Forest Frolic and the Accidental Hike
9:00 AM: Breakfast at the Inn. Full English! Eggs, bacon, beans the whole shebang. I should probably get some exercise today, what with the copious amounts of sausages I'd be consuming, I thought.
10:00 AM: Armed with a map and a vague sense of optimism, I headed off to explore the Forest of Dean. The forest itself, a majestic place. Sunlight dappling through the trees, the smell of pine. Decided on what I thought was a casual stroll to some viewpoint. Turns out, the "casual stroll" was more of a mini-trek.
11:00 AM - 1:00 PM: OMG, the hills! Sweating, panting, thinking about giving up after a misstep that resulted in a bruised shin. But! The view from the top… breathtaking. I managed to make it, after all. Reward myself with a pack of shortbread at a store on the way back to the car.
2:00 PM: After a hard earned (and very delayed) lunch, I decided to go straight back to the Inn, and relax in the bar with a drink. I was able to sit and observe the comings and goings of the inn. Observing the locals play darts and drink (as the locals do) it's honestly great.
4:00 PM: Back to room. A long, hot shower. Feeling a bit more human.
7:00 PM: Dinner back at the Royal Forester. Another pub classic: Steak and Ale pie. Honestly, I'm starting to feel like I live here.
8:00 PM - 10:00 PM: A slightly more successful attempt at connecting with the wifi. Watched something utterly dreadful on TV. Fell asleep before the credits rolled. This is living.
Day 3: A Day of Rest and a Potentially Bad Decision
9:00 AM: Slept in! Bliss! I wake up feeling refreshed and ready for more exploration, and more importantly, food.
10:00 AM: Breakfast. Decided to try some local sausages. Excellent choice.
11:00 AM: Wandered around the local village. Popped into a little antique shop and nearly blew my entire holiday budget on a chipped teacup. Restrained myself. (Mostly.)
12:00 AM: Lunch at the Royal Forester. Ordered a sandwich. Simple, safe.
1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Sat in a chair and read, absolutely relaxed. The wind howled a storm outside, the chimney of the inn was letting off smoke that looked like some sort of fairytale.
4:00 PM: The decision, the bad one. I'd made a friend (sort of) at the Inn, a local man who'd been at the bar. He gave me a list of options, and I decided to try a few of them. None of them were terrible, but I did feel like I had to lie, at times, to avoid being overly rude.
6:00 PM: Back at the Inn. Dinner and a pint, the usual. The bad decision was fading fast, but I'm certain to feel some regrets.
8:00 PM: Early night, a final pint and then bed.
Day 4: Departure and a Promise to Return
9:00 AM: Breakfast. One last, gloriously greasy full English. Feeling a pang of sadness. I'm actually starting to feel a part of things.
10:00 AM: Packed. Said goodbye to the lovely staff (and the wifi).
11:00 AM: Back at Birmingham Airport. Sad to see the Vauxhall go, to be honest.
1:00 PM: Flight home. Looking out the window I decide I will return again soon! With a better plan, and maybe a better map.
Final Thoughts:
This trip wasn't perfect. There were dodgy pints, unexpected hikes, questionable decisions, a mysterious stain, and the constant battle with the wifi. But it was real. It was messy, imperfect, and utterly human. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. The Royal Forester Inn, Callow Hill - you've stolen a bit of my heart. I'll be back. Prepare yourselves. ;)
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Escape to the Fairytale Royal Forester Inn: Callow Hill's Hidden Gem – Oh, The Experiences... (FAQ)
So, is this place REALLY a fairytale? Because I saw a picture with a thatched roof, and frankly, I'm skeptical.
Alright, let's get this straight. Fairytale? Nah. Maybe "Slightly Rustic Charm with a Healthy Dose of Pretension" is closer. Thatched roof? Check. It's gorgeous, I will admit, especially when the autumn sun hits it just right. But the pictures? Heavily curated. The reality is… well, there might be a slight damp smell in the hallway. And the "royal" part? Mostly just wallpaper with a crest on it. But hey, the *idea* is there, and honestly, that's half the battle, right?
What's the food like? I'm a foodie, so this is crucial.
Food... right. Okay, here's the deal. The Royal Forester Inn *tries*. They really do. One night, it was a triumph! I had this venison stew, and it was *divine*. Melt-in-your-mouth, rich, everything. But another? Ugh. The fish was… well, let’s just say I think it had a long journey from catch to plate. It was a bit like eating a shoe. The breakfast? A mixed bag. The full English is worth it, if you get there early enough to avoid the cooked-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life sausage. The coffee is… *weak*. Bring your own stash. Seriously.
Are the rooms clean? And are they actually *romantic* like the website says?
Clean… mostly. Let's call it "lived-in clean." You know? Like, they make an effort, but maybe the corners get missed sometimes. And ROMANTIC? Well… my room had a view of a rather sad-looking shrubbery and a dust bunny the size of a small rodent under the bed. I'm not sure what *romantic* means to them. The bed was comfortable, though (thank GOD), and the sheets *felt* clean. Emphasis on felt. Definitely bring some air freshener. And maybe a lint roller. Just to be safe. Oh, and the walls *are* a bit thin...
I’m coming with my kids. Is this place suitable?
Kids… hmm. Okay, so, on the one hand, there's a pretty big lawn. And they *do* have a small playground that looks like it was built sometime during the reign of Queen Victoria (wear sensible shoes!) Food wise – well, if your kids are super fussy eaters, I’d be worried. There's not a dedicated kids' menu, but the staff are generally very accommodating (most of the time). On the other hand… well, the whole "rustic charm" thing can translate to "creaky stairs and questionable plumbing" which with excitable children... could be a disaster. Also: The restaurant can be...well, it's not always quiet. And the staff sometimes looks like they'd rather be anywhere else. Up to you. Proceed. With Caution.
Tell me about that pub! Everyone raves about it.
The pub… oh, the pub! Now we're talking! This is where the Royal Forester *shines*. Great beer selection (the local bitter is lovely!), roaring fire in the winter, and a genuinely friendly atmosphere. It's the heart of the place. One evening – and this is a memory I’ll cherish – I was sitting by the fire, nursing a pint, and some locals started singing sea shanties. It was… magical. Honestly, the pub alone *almost* makes up for the questionable fish. The staff in the pub seem to genuinely *like* being there, which makes a massive difference. It’s the antidote to the slightly… stuffy… restaurant. Go. Just absolutely go.
What about the service? Is it attentive?
Ah, service. It’s… variable. Sometimes it's fantastic. You get the feeling they're bending over backwards to help you. Other times... well, you might be waiting for your coffee for a while. It’s charmingly inconsistent, which I *guess* is part of the "rustic" experience. Don’t be afraid to flag someone down. And be patient. And maybe bring a book. But really, the staff in the pub? Gold. Always friendly, always helpful. The rest? Well… it could be better. Perhaps they are understaffed… or perhaps just a little bit… flustered.
Is it worth the price?
Worth the price… Hmm. That’s the million-dollar question, isn't it? It's not cheap. Let's put it that way. If you're expecting perfect service, Michelin-star food, and spotless rooms, you'll be disappointed. But… if you go with the right expectations – a bit of chaos, a healthy dose of character, and that fantastic pub – then yes, it *can* be. It's a bit like an eccentric aunt: she's flawed, a bit messy, but ultimately, you love her. And you'll be coming back, even if you don’t want to. This is the truth.
Any particular experiences that stand out (good or bad!)?
Oh, where do I even *begin*? Okay, so, this is my BEST/WORST experience. (Depends on the day, I suppose). Picture this: I’m on a romantic getaway (supposedly). After a particularly *disappointing* meal, I retreated to my room. And that's when it happened. The *plumbing*. Glorious, magnificent, awful plumbing. Started gurgling. Then started… spewing. Brown water. Everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE. I ran to reception, and well... let's just say there was a language barrier involved. The cleaning woman? Bless her heart, she tried. She brought me towels (very welcome!), but she looked as horrified as I was. Finally! A plumber arrived, and he was a jolly chap, and he fixed it within the hour. But for that hour? Chaos. Water everywhere. I felt I could have been in the film *Titanic*. But hey, at least it made a story. And the next day, they offered a free breakfast AND a bottle of wine to smooth things over. So, yeah. That's the Royal Forester Inn. A bit of a gamble. But a memorable one, for sure.
Would you go back?
